It’s time for the annual get away two entire weeks of not been in the office and not having to worry about the myriad of little things I’m worrying about normally.

Not been the type of people the are into the pointless pursuit of sunbathing we headed to Whitby for 5 days. TBH not really much I can say about it, well actually the idea was for me to get away from working all the time and spend some time with the missus, well we turned up at the hotel on Sunday morning to be greeted by one of the owners looking somewhat flustered, she explained to us that she was having some computer trouble so they were running a little late. Andrea looks at me and before I know what’s happening I’ve been pimped out

Airport:outbound
So we have been delayed by 2 hours no biggy these things happen IB sounded a little pissed but nothing you can really do about it. So Andrea suggests we grab a drink at the bar get a little happy and into the party mood for when we land. Good idea I think and head off to the bar to grab us a couple of drinks. I ordered a pint of Grolch and a Archers and lemonade for our lass…. The bar dude hooks us up and askes me for £6.14…. How much! For two fucking drinks! I said to him “Here you sure that’s right mate?” he tells me it is I say for a pint and a single shot topped up with a bit of pop! Again he assures me it’s right. Well I paid it of course but fucking hell I mean come on WTF is that about how the fucking hell do people afford to get off their face before flying how much money do those chav fuckers that do that have? I told Andrea right then, I said “here love make that one last because you will find me getting gang raped by a horde of raving homosexual delinquent leprechauns before I’m buying you another drink at that price, you might have a cracking pair of tits but for that price they would have to jump out and slap me in the face”. Where the fuck do they get off charging that much for a bit of booze mother fuckers I am not happy not by a long shot.

After a delay that saw us not flying out until over two hours later than we should have the rest of the flight went ok, well as well as flying for me can do. Andrea persisted on informing me that the lights 26 thousand feet or so below us were “really pretty and sparkley” I have no fucking idea WTF she was thinking telling me this I was so not going to look and it seriously was not helping me to calm the fuck down, especially not since I was still steaming like a demon from the cost of the pint back at the airport. The fuckers.

The Engagement Party:
IB’s brother Andy got us from Belfast international airport to the place the party was in pretty much record time, thanks in no small part to his tricked out EK Civic that was running us along at a solid 120mph weaving in and out of traffic, I tell you the look on Andrea’s face was class she was bricking it!

By the time we got there, I’d managed to have a conversation with Andy, fuck knows what about mind as I could only understand every other word or so. IB jumped out of nowhere ripping the car door open like some kind of irish ninja jacked up on crack greeting us with the kind of enthusiasm that only my man IB as. I must admit it was good to see him after just over a year of having only spoken online and the phone.

With us been so late and most of the other guests been Irish we had to play a game of catch up to get into the party mood, of course Andrea been the more sensible of us decided against as a strategy so with no more amount of encouragement from the future groom (and his parents) I got well and truly fucked up like I was a chav on a school night drinking down a back ally.

What I do remember though it was a great party IB as asked me to be Groomsman for him which of course I did not have to be pissed to agree to! After much heterosexual manly hugging and bigging each other us more drink was drank, IB true to form ended up on the dance floor showing his glowing pale white chest flaunting what I counted to be a whole 6 hairs on it!

After about 1am I don’t remember much, OK so i don’t remember anything :/ I may have over indulged a little me thinks. The girls tell me though that on getting back to the house I sat down and had a fit of the giggles during which I put on a highly amusing improv puppet show using my hands for them, it seem though this came to something of a abrupt stop due to my intake of alcohol I was under the impression a konga eel had invaded my chest and was trying to break out much like a xenomorph might in Ridley Scott’s Alien.

I’m told that some of these insane moments were captured on miniDV so I will have a word with the IBster and get those posted for those that want to see them, along with me been just a little bit scared in St Mary’s church yard after dark.

I have to say that’s a refreshing change as when I get that drunk I either end up pretending I’m a whale or else talking to the magic pixies that live in the speakers about Perl regular expressions. I have to wonder though if beer ans vodka can make me think I’m a whale and put on puppet shows then if I actually took drugs it would be a scary scary experience.

The Morning After The Night Before:
Needless to say I was more than a little worse for ware when I woke up this morning. Fucking hell I was totally out of it I have no how the hell we got back here this morning and I honestly have no recollection of the puppet or eel events. I need not to drink like that though none of the others were ill other than me, I blame IB entirely though after all it was his fault he was not drinking half the stuff I bought for him instead he was making me drink them the little bleeder!

Best of the rest:
The rest of the long weekend over here as been really relaxing nothing really planned, Saturday we all spent just chilling out and recovering playing video games until the early hours of the morning having more drinks. Yesterday we headed around to IB’s Mam & Dads for a home cooked lunch, Andrea ended up been ill later seemingly a 24 hour bug which was a bit of an arse as she spent the rest of the day in bed:( Me and IB headed out to Game, where a hot Irish chick with cracking boobs and stunning red hair got wholly too excited about Guitar Hero when I asked for a copy I thought she was going to cum on the spot. I was all up for inviting here back to the shack but with Andrea in bed ill thought I might be better off giving it a miss lol. Lyn’s had a family meal thing that she could not get out of and with Moo in bed it was left to me and IB joined by 14 bottles of Grolch and Guitar Hero to rock the night away until Lyns got back. We all ended up a little pissed watching a show called Japorama that even when sober would have been funny but when pissed was just fucking hilarious!

Sunday we ate that’s pretty much it Andrea is still felling a little off it so we stayed in watching bad daytime TV shows laughing at the situations ans generally hanging out. I’m not looking forwards to the flight later but at least on a Monday I doubt it will be as busy and not delayed, we are planning on heading straight to York.

The Departure:
For fucks sake, would you fucking believe it we are only fucking delayed again:( My god I mean it would not be that bad if it said on the board that our flight had been delayed but no, according to the board we should “Relax and shop” and our flight will leave at 19:10….. The problem is it’s currently 21:25 and all I have found out is our plane is in France. Well it’s no fucking good in France now is it? I don’t mind been delayed if they actually tell you on the board or make an announcement but no nothing we were in the departure lounge waiting to go and still no one told us fuck all until I went and found one of the fuckers to see what the drop was. Bah if been a pussy ans scared of flying is not bad enough now I’m stuck in the fucking airport all worried about the flight and shit for at least another hour but the board is still sating 19:10 it better not be delayed over night….. I don’t have enough power in either of my phones to keep me sane for that long. I cannot see how running a fucking airline and keeping passengers informed can be this god damn hard it’s really winding me the fuck up. Bah. And you know what else Spooks is on tonight and that is the only fucking TV show I like, now chances are I’m going to miss it because some cock lost a plane or something.

You will never guess what we have just seen, a chav bird in a pink velor tracksuit… nothing out of the ordinary but this one in large white letter on the back said “Juicey” well if that is not blatant bragging about been a slapper I don’t know what is! I mean its like a fella walking around with a blue velor tracksuit on with “Well hung and up for it” on the back! I love some of the stuff you see in these places I really do. I must do a audio commentry when I am out and about, if nothing it will amuse me when I listen to it again even if it amuses no one else!

Wh00t the sign just changed we’re off to the departure lounge maybe I will be able to catch Spooks on reply if I’m not too tired before we head off for a few days in York tomorrow!

The flight:
I really don’t like flying, I thought about the mile high club and tbh I think I would end up grabbing on to her boobs for dear life, I don’t stop gripping the chair arm rest so god knows how I would make it to the loo to start off with. You know what I don’t get? People fly for fun…. wtf are they on I mean seriously there is obviously some major major substance abuse going on.

York:
The last leg of the break 3 days in York catching up on the local history. Oh and fixing the fathering (to be) laws computer. A relaxing get away that entail a relaxing few days crammed with exciting facts and a not so exciting visit to the railway museum. I don’t think I could have been less interested in that place, though on the upside I spent 2 hours or so admiring the missus’s bust line and arse which was very pleasant indeed.